Pointless Adventures of Mario and Co
by Vanessa Osbourne
Summary: Random, funny "adventures" that basically have no point other than to entertain and make you laugh. You've seen those, right? Well, watch as they unfold in the Mushroom Kingdom, and how they affect the lives of Mario and Co. Rated for safety.
1. The Missing Sock

** You (most likely) read and died of laughter at the randomness of YIPPEE! A FRIGGEN RANDOM DAY! Woot! And now I, Vanessa Osbourne present to you: Pointlessly Hysterical "Adventures" of Mario and Co. =D  
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** Basically, just like my Phantom of the Opera Phunnies, any really random situation that pops into my already insane head that also involves Mario characters, well, will most likely be here. So, without further ado, GET ON TO THE STORY!**

**Disclaimer: Well, I don't own the Mario franchise. Nintendo does….I wish they'd stop rubbing it in.**

**The Missing Sock**

It was a wonderful day in the Fungus Realm-erm, I mean Mushroom Kingdom. The angry sun was shining, birds were chirping, and then abruptly being eaten by Yoshis, and fire flowers were blooming, prompting many eager toads to pick them, getting third-degree burns in the process. Everything was just right.

Mario and Luigi were just getting ready for their next plumbing job. Well, I shouldn't be that vague. I mean Luigi was trying to get Mario from under his bed so they wouldn't be late for their next plumbing job.

"Come-a on Mario," Luigi yelled while pulling on his older twin's feet. "We're-a just gonna fix Toadsworth's sink!"

"NO!" Mario protested. "The last time I saw him, he started bonking me on the head with his old man stick!"

"That was because you kept poking his expensive'Green Goo Mound' with a stick!" Luigi groaned, pulling harder. "Look, if you come out of the bed and we get the sink fixed in time, we can push local toads into Peach's backyard waterfall if you want."

"YES! That. Would. Be. Awesome!" Mario said before beginning to cry. He and Luigi finally got ready, and raced to the princess's castle.

At the entrance, the Italian plumbers-wait, what? Italian plumbers? They have plumbers in Italy? Anyway, the two brothers saw Princess Daisy, who was standing motionless at the castle's entrance.

"You okay Daisy?" Luigi asked. He tapped on her shoulder. She completely fell over without moving any limbs.

"OH MY POWERFUL AND SOMEWHAT STRANGE LOOKING MUSHROOMS! I JUST KILLED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" Luigi screamed as he bent down and kneeled at Daisy's side.

"Luigi? Is that you?" Daisy's voice suddenly said.

"Daisy? Is that you from the beyond?" Luigi asked, feeling (and sounding) somewhat scared.

"No. Right behind you."

Luigi quickly turned around and saw Daisy. Erm, I mean another Daisy.

"Bu-but, there are TWO of you?" Luigi cried, confused.

"No, that's just a wax dummy I made. I used it so I could sneak out and get some Fruit Loops," Daisy replied casually, holding up a box of Fruit Loops.

"…Why did you need to sneak out and use a dummy just to get some cereal?" Luigi inquired, still quite confused.

"Peach is afraid of brightly colored circles. She says they're her mortal enemy," Daisy answered.

"Sounds like me and glitter glue," Luigi said, shuddering.

" I think she's afraid of that too. Hey, is that Mario over there, trying to shove a cow into the moat thingy here?" Daisy asked, pointing at Mario and not paying attention to the fact that this was her FIRST question she asked in this story.

Indeed, Mario was trying in vain to push a cow into the moat. The cow, meanwhile, was repeatedly chewing on grass with a bored, uncaring stare.

"WHY WON'T YOU FALL IN YOU FAT LUG OF STUPID!" Mario yelled at the top of his lungs while pushing. The cow simply dematerialized, making Mario fall flat on his back.

Luigi sighed, and ran to help his brother up.

"Mario, tell me, why were you trying to push a cow into Peach's moat?" Luigi asked irritably.

"Because…BECAUSE IT WAS ASKING FOR IT!" Mario retorted angrily.

"Come on. We're going to be late if we don't hurry into the castle," Luigi groaned, and with that, the two brothers ran into the castle.

After about 45 minutes, the sink had been fixed.

"Thank you boys so much," Toadsworth said kindly, "for helping an old toad in need."

"Um, sure," Luigi began, "but you, uh, forgot-"

"Forgot what? Oh, I forget everything nowadays. What day it is, what my job is, who I am," Toadsworth said quickly, trying to change the subject.

"But, sir," Luigi went on, "you didn't-"

"WHY HAVEN'T YOU PAYED US YET?" Mario questioned loudly. This interruption made Luigi pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, erm, why eheheh, yes. Let me see here," Toadsworth said nervously as he dug into his pockets. He fished out two small hard candies.

"Gee, thanks," Luigi said unenthusiastically.

"WHAT? WE WASTE 45 MINUTES OF OUR LIVES FOR TWO STINKIN' PIECES OF CANDY! AAAAGH!" Mario bellowed, charging at the old Toad. Luckily, Luigi got hold of his brother and restrained him from Toadsworth.

"Sorry Toadsworth, Mario's just a little…grumpy today. He lost his prized uh…toothbrush and can't find it," Luigi lied, trying to make up for Mario's anger.

"Toothbrush eh? Well, you know what…I'd probably feel the same way if I lost _my _prized possession. My cleanest, never-used sock. I've had it for 27 years. If I lost it, I don't think I could go on. I'd break down, I'd cry, I'd destroy things I'd…" Toadsworth went on and on and ON.

"Come on Luigi," Mario whispered while tugging one of Luigi's sleeves. "He's never gonna stop talking. It's best if we go now."

"Alright," Luigi replied simply, and the two began to quietly walk out. They were unnoticed by Toadsworth, who was still going on about his ever-so clean sock and how he would put the person who so much as touches them through much pain and torture.

As the brothers walked through the castle, they bumped into Wario and Yoshi, who were having a lovely conversation. Well, I should be more truthful, the bros. saw Wario and Yoshi having a heated argument about…grain.

"I say LENTILS are better!" Wario angrily declared, glaring at Yoshi.

"That's probably because your brain is the size of one! Obviously, oats are better! They make oatmeal AND oatmeal cookies!" Yoshi retorted furiously, which, actually, surprised the whole audience, who was unaware that this story was going to have Yoshi use regular English instead of, uh, Yoshi talk.

"Well oats are eaten by horses, which are ridden in battle, and since you have been ridden in battle AND like oats, you _mus_t be a horse!" Wario screamed, gasping for breath.

"Oh, that hurt _so _badly you two-faced two-ton lug of idiot!" Yoshi bit back harshly.

"Woah, woah, woah! Calm down you two! It's just cereal!" Luigi said, trying to break up the fight.

"Yeah, besides, we all know the _best _type of grain is millet." Mario added.

"…..BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S THE STUPIDEST IDEA EVER!" Wario laughed.

"Yeah! That's a pretty stupid thought! Not as stupid as fat man's here though," Yoshi said, mumbling the last part.

"But it feeds chickens! CHICKENS ARE PEOPLE TOO!" Mario screamed before running away. This made Wario and Yoshi laugh even harder.

"I guess I'd better go get him…" Luigi sighed before making a mad dash for Mario. When the plumbers were, uh, 'reunited' in the kitchen, there was a sudden scream of:

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT MY PRECIOUS, CLEAN, PRIZED, FREAKIN' AWESOME, PRICELESS SOCK!**", followed by a loud _thud_.

"Where in this world of oddly proportioned, recurring enemies did that scream come from?" asked Daisy, who had been sitting on the counter, eating a bowl of Fruit Loops.

"I dunno, let's go see," Luigi said.

"Sure. I've got nothing better to do," Daisy agreed, getting off the counter.

"Alright, but we better be able to push toads into the moat today!" Mario groaned, crossing his arms.

Just as the three were about to 'investigate', ropes fell from the ceiling. Toads clad in black came down these ropes, knocked out the trio, and took them away.

When the three woke up, they found themselves in a dungeon-like room. But they weren't alone. Wario, Yoshi, and Peach, who were also just waking up, were there too. They were all chained to the wall by one foot.

"Where are we? Are we in a fun house at the county fair? I'm afraid of county fairs!" Peach cried.

"Oh yes, this dark, windowless place is _certainly _a county fair. Oh look, there's Bobo, the nonexistent clown from Finland!" Yoshi said sarcastically, shaking his head.

"NOOOO! I'M AFRAID OF NONEXISTENT CLOWNS NAMED BOBO THAT COME FROM FINLAND!" Peach screamed in fear.

"Oh cram it blondie! Why didn't you tell us you had a dungeon?" Wario questioned angrily.

"I was _afraid _of coming down here!" Peach answered.

"Lemme guess, you're afraid of darkness," Luigi said, groaning.

"No...well, yes, I do. But that's not the reason I've never been down here. I'm afraid of bricks! And iron bars! And rooms without windows! AND OXYGEN! HEEEEELP ME MARIOOOOOOOOO!" Peach bellowed, curling up in fetal position and crying.

Just then, as Peach was bawling like a baby, Toadsworth entered through a conveniently-placed water slide that just so happened to end in this dungeon.

"WHEEE! I LOVE THIS WHATCHIMACALLIT!" Toadsworth screamed happily before getting off, smiling widely. He then looked at all the lonely people that were held captive, and his smile, unfortunately, died. It was 23 years old.

"Well. I bet you're all wondering why you're here," Toadsworth began, looking upset.

"TOADSWORTH! HELP ME! SAVE ME FROM THIS CARNIVAL WITH CLOWNS AND NACHOS!" Peach pleaded loudly.

"...What's wrong with nachos?" Daisy asked, looking confused and, for some reason, a little offended.

"NACHOS ARE PEOPLE TOO!" Mario suddenly declared. "PEACE AND LOVE TO THE NACHOS! BEFRIEND THE NACHO! DON'T FEAR THE NACHO! LOVE THE-

"Okay okay, we get it you two ton Italian sausage!" Yoshi yelled, annoyed.

"That hurt Yoshi! That hurt so much!" Mario exclaimed, looking hurt. Just like he said, so it's probably obvious that, well, you get it...

"Will you guys listen?" Luigi began. "Toadsworth might let us-"

"Well, it's the truth! You eat about 12 tons of food a day, and half of it is sausage!" Yoshi retorted, interrupting Luigi.

"You're using that "You are what you eat" saying. Dude, you need to get better sources," Wario said, staring at Yoshi.

"Well _any _idiot who thinks lentils are better than oats would say that to sound smart!" Yoshi bit back.

"Is that so horse-face?" Wario asked tauntingly.

The two went back to where they left off in their argument about grain. While this was happening, Mario was calling Yoshi childish names, Peach was huddled in a corner sucking her thumb, Luigi was groaning and shaking his head, Daisy was muttering how Peach was unable to appreciate all that Nachos have done for people , and Toad-wait, where did _Toad_ come from? Oh, really? You've got to be joking Jim. No? Wow. That's sad. Well, apparently, Toad was there all this time, quietly sitting in the far right corner, and no one, not even _I, the AUTHOR,_ noticed him.

Okay, enough of that, while everyone (excluding Toad) was making noise, Toadsworth was getting angry. Not angry enough to yell though. He was angry enough to yell right about...now.

"SHUT UP YOU YOUNGSTERS!" Toadsworth yelled, glaring at everyone. Everyone did as told. Well, Toad was already being quiet, so everyone _else _shut up. They all looked at Toadsworth.

"Now,"said the old toad, "as I was saying, you might be wondering why you're all here. Well, someone in this castle has stolen my precious sock, and I'm going to find out who did it."

"Who said any of _us _stole the sock?" Yoshi questioned angrily.

"Oh, so it must have been _you_! You, Yoshi, must have been hungry and _eaten _the sock!" Toadsworth declared, pointing his finger at Yoshi.

Yoshi glared at Toadsworth, and pointed a finger at the old toad's chest. "_Why _in this world that uses no realistic elements or laws of science would I eat a _sock _owned by some crackpot geezer like yourself? Just because my species and I eat many things _doesn't _mean I eat just _anything_! Try seeing if tubby over there ate it!"

Toadsworth turned to Wario.

"Wario," he asked sternly. Well, sternly, that is, for a geyser such as himself. "Did YOU eat my sock because you HUNGERED?"

Wario stood there, looking guilty. "No."

"Tell the truth young man."

"No, I didn't."

"Very well. Here is a piece of candy for your troubles."

Toadsworth handed Wario a glowing, neon orange rock that looked a bit like rock candy. As the others got mad and began to rant about how unfair it was that Wario got candy and they didn't, Wario stared at the rock joyfully, then stuck it (along with both of his hands) in his mouth. He then took his slobber-coated hands out of his mouth and wiped them on his pants. He grinned for a few seconds, then immediately turned green.

"HA YOU IDIOT! THAT WASN'T CANDY! THAT WAS THE ESSENCE OF NAUSEA!" Toadsworth screamed triumphantly.

Wario soon barfed up all that he had eaten that day and the day before, which consisted of sixteen pounds of lentils (which were still in burlap sacks), the _Flood _album, two license plates, twelve computer mice, a mound of mashed potatoes that looked like the Empire State Building, a rotten old tomato, and a piece of red yarn. Unfortunately, there was no sock.

"Rats," Toadsworth sighed, "I guess you didn't take it Wario."

Toadsworth then turned to Peach, who was crying about her fears of yarn and computer mice.

"So, my so called "darling", _YOU _must have taken the sock to sell at a flea market so you could pay off your debts on your Robot Insurance," Toadsworth accused madly. And by madly I mean both angrily and insanely. Come on, the guy lost a very important artifact of his life, which happens to take the form of a mere foot garment that you can buy almost anywhere in the world for very little money.

"Socks? Robots? WHERE? I'M AFEARED! NOOOOO!" Peach screamed before crying yet again.

Toadsworth smacked his face and walked over to Mario, Luigi, and Daisy.

"Tell me, please, for the sake of my health, and your friends' well being-wait, scrap that last part, just for the sake of my health, tell me if you took the sock. I won't get mad," he pleaded, looking truly sad and somewhat pathetic.

"I didn't take it Toadsworth. Honestly. The only time I would really need a sock is if a nuclear war was about to start, and the magic conch shell told me that there was no sign of nuclear war," Daisy said calmly and innocently.

Toadsworth looked at her seriously for a few minutes, then sighed.

"I guess it couldn't have been you," the old toad sighed. "Only one who truly follows the magic conch shell could act so casually when being stared at by someone for a long time."

Toadsworth then turned to Mario and Luigi.

"So, we're down to you two. The two I didn't pay because of fund shortage. You wanted revenge, so you snuck into my room whilst I was playing Eddie Van Halen's guitar solo from _Eruption _on the tennis racket (Peach screamed about her fear of tennis rackets as Toadsworth said this) and STOLE THE SOCK for revenge," the elderly mushroom dude bellowed, getting madder and madder every second. And remember kids, madder means angry AND insane!

"Look, we didn't take-" Luigi began calmly, before being interupted.

"WE DIDN'T DO IT! STOP ACCUSING US FOR STUFF WE DIDN'T DO BEFORE I CHUCK A MANGO AT YOU!" Mario yelled angrily, glaring at Toadsworth, who was seething with anger.

"Poor mango," muttered Yoshi sarcastically with his arms crossed.

"Look, Toadsworth, I'm sure we could sort things out if-" Luigi started.

"YOU BETTER CRAM IT YOUNGSTER!" Toadsworth yelled at Mario. "YOU BETTER JUST GIVE UP THE SOCK AND-"

"NO! I DON'T HAVE IT! AND YOU CRAM IT BEFORE I LOB A PINEAPPLE AT YOUR CATERPILLAR-RIDDEN FACE!"

"Guys, if you'd just LISTEN to me-" Luigi began.

"GIVE IT OVER NOW!"

"I DON'T HAVE IT!"

"YES YOU DO!"

"NO I DON'T!"

"YES YOU DO!"

"NO I DON'T!"

"YES YOU-"

"**WILL THE BOTH OF YOU **_**KINDLY **_**SHUT UP?**" Luigi suddenly screamed with loads of anger. In fact, if anger could be measured in pounds, I'd say he said that with about, oh...over 9000 pounds of anger.

Everyone instantly shut up. Even Peach, who'd been bawling over her fear of mangoes, stopped in the middle of her weeping.

"FINALLY! NOW! IF EVERYONE WOULD JUST LISTEN TO ME, I COULD HELP SORT THINGS OU-"

"So it was YOU, Luigi, who took the sock!" Toadsworth suddenly accused, jabbing a finger at Luigi's nose. This maddened Luigi. And remember our little definition of mad. Angry AND insane.

"YES! YES I TOOK IT! HAHAHAHAHA! AND I HAVE NO REMORSE! NO REMORSE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Luigi screamed madly. In fact, he looked pretty mad, for his eyes were bloodshot, his hair was messed up, and, well, he just had that "mad" feeling.

"No you didn't Luigi," Daisy said, not noticing Luigi's madness. "Remember, you were with me when I was eating Fruit Loops. And so was Mario."

Toadsworth gave Daisy another long stare.

"Well, I guess you are telling the truth," Toadsworth began, "but there are no suspects left. None...except..."

All heads turned to Toad, who was still sitting quietly in the corner. In his hands, he held a lone white sock, which seemed to have just been taken out of the dryer and ironed.

"I-I was just doing the laundry. I'm sorry Toadsworth..." Toad said, tears welling in his eyes.

Toadsworth sighed. "I guess it's not all that bad sonny. You were just doing a tedious chore. It's okay. May I have the sock back please?"

Toad sniffled, gave Toadsworth the sock, and left with his head hung down. Toadsworth examined it, standing silent for a long time. Ugh, how long will this take? I have a meeting at 5!

"This...This..." Toadsworth started to say.

"What is it, Toadsworth?" Luigi and Daisy asked in unison.

"...This isn't my sock," Toadsworth managed to say.

"...What are you talking about Toadsworth? It's a white sock. It's clean. It's only one. How can it not be yours?" Luigi asked, sounding annoyed.

"Well, yes, all of the above is true, but there's a difference. This is a Golden Toe Brands sock. _My _sock is a Wigwarm Mills sock," Toadsworth answered, sounding upset.

"So it _wasn't _Toad who took the sock?" Yoshi questioned, feeling pretty mad.

"Darn, and you'd think that, since he's in the corner, he's totally vital and important to the plot. I guess he was just put in for the extra sarcasm and random twist," Wario sighed, shaking his head.

"I agree buddy, I agree," Yoshi said, patting Wario on the back.

"Well, if it wasn't Toad who took my sock, and it wasn't any of you, WHO COULD HAVE TAKEN IT? THERE ARE NO MORE CHARACTERS IN THIS CRUMMY STORY!" Toadsworth cried in madness.

"Well," Luigi began, "I guess we'll just have to forgive and forget, and all will be well agai-"

"WHAT IN THIS WORLD OF OVERUSED JOKES AND RANDOMNESS IS THAT!" Daisy screamed, pointing at a cow that was finishing its apparation into the dungeon room. It looked bored and uncaring, just like the cow Mario was trying to push into the moat-oh, right, duh, it _is _the same cow. Heheh, sorry peeps.

"It's YOU again!" Mario yelled, glaring at the cow. It did nothing but chomp on some grass it had in its mouth.

"MY SOCK!" cried Toadsworth, pointing at a conveniently-placed sock in the cow's food. He ran towards the cow, grabbed the sock, and began to tug, but it wouldn't budge.

"GIMME MY SOCK YOU BUTTERED UP PIECE OF POO!" Toadsworth screamed, pulling even harder at the sock. He failed. Woop.

"I have an idea!" Mario said childishly, pointing a finger in the air. "All we have to do is push the cow in the moat outside, and then it will disintegrate and the sock will be free!"

"...I don't see any logic whatsoever in that plan, so it just might work," said Toadsworth. "Alright everybody! Time to push a cow into the moat!"

So, everyone (excluding Peach, who chose to sit in the corner and whine about her phobia of cows and moats.) started to push the cow, going at the rate of one inch per minute.

"Okay," Yoshi began, "this is getting too hard! Why not just cut our losses?"

Toadsworth turned to Yoshi, glared at him, and pointed his finger into the dino's chest.

"Look you wipper-snapper," the old toad began in a dark, ticked off tone. "I'm not going to permit freedom to giver-upper people. Are _YOU _A GIVER-UPPER PEOPLE?"

"N-n-n-no," Yoshi stammered fearfully.

"Good," said Toadsworth, who went back to pushing the cow.

So, at the speed rate of one inch per minute, the gang pushed and pushed, not stopping for anything, not even a bathroom break. Yeah, the sock was THAT important. The sun began to set when the gang reached the moat.

"Okay everyone," said Mario, who was still pushing on the cow. "Any second now, this thing will fall into the lake, and we will get the sock back!"

The gang pushed...and pushed...and pushed...and pushed...and pushed...and pushed...and pushed...and pushed... and pushed.. AND PUSHED... and pushed until they hear a _SPLOOSH _and became soaking wet.

"HOORAY!" cried Daisy and Mario.

The gang turned around, but, to their disappointment, the cow just stood there in the moat, eating its grass.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Toadsworth moaned, falling to the ground. He began to roll around, wailing about his poor little sock.

"Ugh, I'm hungry! Where's the next grain market so I can get a metric-ton of lentils," Wario groaned, patting his huge slab of fat he called a stomach.

"Well, the SMART thing to do would be to buy a lifetime supply of oats you dolt!" Yoshi began, glaring.

"Yeah, if you were a horse melon-face."

"Pork Chop!"

"Eggwad!"

"Grease ball!"

"Guys!" Daisy shouted, interrupting the name-calling fight. "Let's just rest for a few minutes. I have a bag of Fruit Loops we can all share." She pulled out a plastic bag that was filled with Fruit Loops. She was about to open it, when, suddenly:

"**NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE EVILNESSEZ OF FRUIT LOOPS!**" cried a strange, deep voice from the moat. Everyone turned to see the cow, who had dropped his food (including the sock) and was freaked out so badly, the freak out-o-meter that was installed near the castle was on rainbow marmalade purple, the color that is almost impossible to reach.

The cow then began to rise into the air by producing flatulence. It rose to about three inches in the air, then it instantly self-destructed, killing all the fish that were unfortunate enough to live in the Mushroom Kingdom moat.

Toadsworth, who'd stopped bawling just in time to witness the aforementioned events, ran giddily to the moat, picked up his sock (which, oddly enough, didn't have any holes or rips or anything.) and began to kiss it repeatedly, getting cow slobber and fish guts all over his face.

"Uh, let's not bother him," Luigi said, grossed out by Toadsworth. He and Daisy walked over to a nearby foundain and sat down beside it.

"Ah, the sunset. So nice, isn't it?" Daisy asked.

"Yep, sure is," Luigi replied, putting a hand around Daisy's shoulder. So, they sat together and watched the sunset while Mario began pushing toads into the moat, and Yoshi and Wario began to bicker once more about grain. Yes, it had truly been an odd day...for our standards. But for the standards of the Mushroom Kingdom, this was probably just another kitten stuck in a tree. Just wait for the next chapters. You'll see. YOU'LL ALL SEE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

**So, that wraps up that little oddity. Remember, RPRALI (Read, Ponder, Review, And Like It). Flames are welcome, as always, and shall be used...to cook oats and lentils. SEE YA NEXT CHAPTER! XD **


	2. Pandemonium at the Mushroom Carnival

…**..UPDATE! **

** Yay! People liked the story! THAT MAKES ME HAPPY! XD**

** Yoshi: *randomly walks in.* But nobody flamed you, meaning I DIDN'T GET ANY OATMEAL COOKIES!**

** Me: Oh relax. I baked you some anyway. *hands Yoshi a tray of oatmeal cookies.***

** Yoshi:*stares at me, grabs the whole tray, then runs off.***

** Disclaimer: Hey! Why can't I have some? Oh well, we don't own Mario, and we never shall. Unless Nintendo writes a document that legally gives us the rights and ownership...yeah...*rubs hands together sinisterly, smirking.***

** Me: *stares at her Disclaimer as if it were a madman.* Dude, how many allergy pills have you taken?**

** Disclaimer: One...hundred.**

** Me *glares at Disclaimer.* **

**Pandemonium at the Mushroom Carnival**

It was a lovely day in the Mushroom Kingdom...is probably the most overused, cliché phrase in Mario-related fanfiction. I mean, even if it's worded differently, it's STILL the same concept. Anyway, I figured I'd start this "story" off with an odd fact-ish thingy. Want another? This file isn't named "The Mushroom Kingdom Carnival." It's named "Waluigi's Driving Test." TT_TT YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!

Anyway, indeed it was a lovely day, especially because THE CARNIVAL WAS IN TOWN! YAAAAAY! This event not only excited I, the narrator, but it also excited most, if not all, of the Mushroom Kingdom's residents. This included the famous Mario brothers.

"GOING TO THE CARNIVAL, WE'RE GOING TO THE CARNIVAL WE'RE GOING TO THE CARNIVAAAAAL! I LIKE TO SPRAY TOADS WITH CHEESE! YAH!" Mario sang jubilantly as he sprayed civilians (mostly toads) with Cheese Wiz/Cheese in a can.

"HEY!" yelled a big, unnaturally muscly-looking toad who, as you guessed, had been sprayed with Cheese Wiz. He reeked of day old gym socks, was as tall as Waluigi, and as wide as Wario. Oh, and he had a reddish-brown mustache, one that looked like Toadsworth's. Just thought you'd like to know before I went on with the dialogue. "WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?"

"I'm going to the CARNIVAL soon, and I was just venting off my excitement by SPRAYING TOADS WITH CHEES! YAY!" Mario exclaimed happily before the big toad lifted him off the ground by his hair.

"I'm gonna turn you into ground beef cheese boy!" The big toad growled, glaring at Mario.

"Ooooh! Will I be made into Chuck or Sirloin?"Mario asked, smiling at the toad.

"WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT MEAT HEAD?" The big toad barked, barring his teeth.

"OH LOOK! A KITTY! HERE KITTY! HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!" Mario shouted, gleefully pointing at a small, harmless tabby kitten that had just walked by. It spotted the big toad, and began to walk towards it.

"OH MY BLACK-EYED CLOUDS THAT MOST LIKELY STALK US WHILST WE SLEEP! A MEMBER OF THE FELIDAE FAMILY! AAAAAH!" The big toad screamed in terror as the kitten rubbed against his leg, mewing softly. The big toad chucked Mario into the air, then fled the scene, screaming and crying all the way to his mama.

Meanwhile, Mario landed in a nearby berry bush that was being ripped to shreds-I mean devoured-I mean pleasantly eaten by Yoshis. He then took out his can of Cheese Wiz and sprayed the Yoshis, causing them to flee in hysteria, running everywhere and randomly eating any thing or person that they came across.

"Goodbye friends!" Mario cried, waving his arms. He then got up, and was about to skip away to "frolic" elsewhere until he bumped into his brother.

"Hiya Luigi!" Mario greeted excitedly.

"Mario, where on this planet of mutated mushrooms have you BEEN?"

"I was just passing the time by spraying toads with CHEESE!" Mario explained.

"Okay, I'm sorry for asking. Anyway, let's get going, the carnival's about to open soon, and I don't want to have to stand in those annoyingly long lines that almost ALWAYS appear somewhere in stories with funfairs/carnivals/fairs/theme parks/?." Luigi said, helping Mario up. The two then began to walk to the carnival.

After quite a few minutes of walking (which was also...EXERCISE! NOOOOOOO DX), the famed-in-other-dimensions-but-otherwise-unknown(-even-though-this-contradicts-a-comment-made-above) duo saw a large sign which read: "C4N1V1 4 N0081$1Y N0081$H $H400M$ & 07H34 $P3C13$ 0F N008$"- I mean "MUSHROOM CARNIVAL".

Anyway, after staring at the sign for about 5 minutes, the brothers stepped into the carnival and (unknowingly) into insanity.

"Hey look Luigi!" Mario exclaimed in excitement, pointing to various shops and stalls. "CARNIVAL FOOD!" He then proceeded to run towards the stalls and shops, screaming "WOOOHOOOO CARNIVAAAAAL" the whole time.

"DEEP FRIED MUSHROOMS ON A STICK!" called a toad vendor, who was waving two greasy-looking mushrooms on sticks. One looked a lot like a 1-Up Mushroom, except that it looked greasier than usual, and its eyes were shaped like Xs instead of regular lines, and the other looked the same, except it was a Super Mushroom. Yeah, they looked pretty pathetic...and delicious...

"Oooh, I'll take 3 please!" Mario said, jumping up and down and holding out three fingers.

The toad vendor turned (in a very stiff fashion) to Mario and asked (in a robotic sing-song voice) loudly:

"WOULD YOU LIKE AN APPLE PIE WITH THAAAAT? WOULD YOU LIKE AN APPLE PIE WITH THAAAAT?"

Mario stared at the vendor for awhile before a grin stretched across his face.

"YES! YOU ARE MY SAVIOUR! THANK YOU!" He said. The plumber-hero then jumped into the stall and hugged the toad vendor.

"DING SHROOMS ARE DONE! DING SHROOMS ARE DONE! DING SHROOOOOMS AAAAARE DOOOOOOONE!" The vendor sang before producing three deep-fried mushrooms on sticks and an apple pie.

"I LOVE YOU MAN!" Mario screamed, placing 11 coins on the stall's counter. He then ran to Luigi, who was standing in the same place he had when Mario had run off (only this time, his brother was pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head irkedly. Yes, irkedly _is _a word; a word which means "in an _th_irked fashion or way." IT WILL BECOME PART OF THE ENGLISH DICTIONARY ONE DAY! Muahahahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAhAHAHA! GOOOOOOOOO!).

Anyway, when Mario returned to Luigi, he handed him one of the deep-fried mushrooms on a stick and smiled.

"I got us FOOOOOOOOD!" Mario cried with a grin.

"Uh, yeah, thanks bro," Luigi replied, examining his "food".

Mario ate the two fried mushrooms in one bite each. He then took out his apple pie and hugged it fondly.

"Erm, Mario," Luigi began after eating his shroom. "why are you hugging an apple pie? And an even better question would be where did you _get _the apple pie?"

"The toad vendor gave it to me when I ordered the fried mushrooms!" Mario replied. He then proceeded to dance merrily with his baked treat.

"Erm, why don't we go ride the bumper cars? The line doesn't seem very long," Luigi suggested.

"YES! COME ON COME ON COME ON!" Mario shrieked, grabbing Luigi's hand and running towards the line (still holding his pie.).

Since I don't want to bore you readers about the painfully tedious and cliché aspects of having to wait in line for a carnival ride, I'll just skip to the point where Mario and Luigi were at the front of the line. Yes, yes, you can thank me later with cookies, ice cream, cake, and fruit salads at the end of the story.

Anyway, once the brothers got to the front of the line, a tall, teenage toad with bad, and I mean _ bad _acne, lead them and other carnival-goers into the bumper-car arena.

"Alright Mario, I'm going to take that blue car over there. Which one are you taking?" Luigi asked his excited brother.

"I'M TAKING THIS ONE RIGHT HERE!" Mario exclaimed, pointing to an oddly colored bumper-car (with the hand that wasn't holding the pie, of course...). And when I say oddly colored, I mean it was some unknown, indescribable color. It was like a mix of fuchsia, beige, orange, and violet.

"Erm, what exactly _is _the color of that car?" Luigi asked while stepping into his car.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Mario said, "BUT I'M GOING TO CALL IT RAINBOW MARMALADE PURPLE!"

"That's not a color."

"YES IT IS!"

"No it isn't."

"_YES __IT_ _**IS!**_"

"...Alright then."

"I'm gonna beat you!"

"No you're not!"

"YES I AM! WATCH ME! I WILL PWN YOU! WATCH ME! MWAHAHAAHAHA!"

The sound of a cow's moo was heard, signaling the start of the ride. Instantly, everyone (including the Mario brothers) began to drive around the arena, bumping into each other on the way.

After a few minutes, Luigi drove towards his brother, who was repeatedly ramming into a poor toadette child. After ramming into the child for like, the 73rd time, Mario turned around and saw his brother coming straight for him and dodged his attack.

"You can't catch me!" Mario teased, driving away from his brother(feel free to cut on some really epic chase music. I recommend _Danger Zone _by Kenny Loggins, or _Welcome to Paradise _by Green Day. They both sound like good chase music...).

"OH YES I CAN!" Luigi shrieked, switching his car into simulated hyper-drive mode (and at the same time switching his mind into non-simulated hyperactive insanity mode...), a feature only found on _his _bumper car. He drove towards his brother at an even faster speed.

"No you caaaaan't!" Mario sang, not even aware that his brother was gaining on him.

"YES I WILL! I SHALL! I SHALL! I WILL DESTROY YOU LITTLE MAN!" Luigi yelled, pressing the turbo-ultra destruction button (yet another feature that was included on his car, and his car alone), which made the bumper-car produce missile-launchers at its sides, a flame thrower on its hood, a laser cannon in the back, and two cup holders inside the car (which, to me, is probably the BEST feature of them all...).

Everybody in the arena screamed. Even Mario, who'd been so cheery that morning, yelped in fear at his brother's non-simulated hyperactive insanity.

"WEEGEE? WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU WEEGEE? YOU'VE LOST YOUR SENSES!"Mario screamed fearfully, speaking/screaming to one of the tunes from Phantom of the Opera.

Luigi shot flames, lasers, and a missile at his brother, all of which hit the little red-clad plumber and his car.

"OWIES WOWIES! THAT HURT!" Mario yelled, shaking one of his arms to kill the small flames that quickly and painfully (oh, so painfully. OWCHIES! DX) infested it.

"I WILL DESTROY THEE! THOU WILL NOT ESCAPE MY WRATH! I SHALL DESTROY YOU, AND THE WORLD!" Luigi screamed, shooting more lasers and flames at Mario (he depleted his missiles. NOOOOOOO! MISSILES ARE KING!TTT_TTT)

Mario had no choice but to keep driving around the arena, which was kinda hard because there were so many other riders randomly driving around in fear. FEAR I SAYZ!...Fear...

So, Mario tried his best to maneuver through the mess of bumper-cars, but alas, he soon hit a dead-end.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" The red-clad plumber screamed dramatically. You know, like how people in soap operas and drama movies do when some loved one's died, or when they find out their family fortune has been depleted due to debt and evil tax-collectors. D": CURSE THOSE TAX COLLECTOOOOOOORS!

"I'VE GOT YOU NOW MARIO!" Luigi yelled. He was just about to bump into him, when suddenly, the cow's moo was heard again, this time signaling the _end _of the ride (also meaning if you were listening to epic chase music, you can turn it off now. Now. Now. Now...).

Mario, who'd been cowering in fear inside his uh, "Rainbow Marmalade Purple" bumper-car, looked up, smiled, and began to cheer.

"YAY! I SURVIVED THE BUMPER-CARS! YAAAAAY! YAYAYAYAYAAYAY!"

"Grrrr. I would've gotten you too, if it weren't for those meddling kids and their stupid flea-bag," Luigi groaned, glaring at his brother.

"Oh well. At least Mr. Pie survived with me!" Mario cheered, taking out Mr. Pie and dancing around with him.

"Come on Mario," Luigi sighed. "Let's go on some other ride where my presently apparent non-simulated hyperactive insanity won't affect you or others."

"Okay! Let's do...THE MERRY-GO-ROUND!" Mario cried, holding Mr. Pie above his head. He then ran off to the Merry-Go-Round and its waiting line.

"Wait up!" Luigi pleaded, trying to catch up to his brother. Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and quickly turned around to see Daisy and Peach. Well, I should be a little clearer. The green-clad plumber turned around to see Daisy smiling casually and Peach, whose eyes were puffy and red from crying, holding Daisy's hand.

"Hey Weegee!" Daisy greeted.

"Oh hey Daisy! How's it going?" Luigi said.

"Pretty well. We just got off the bungee-jumping ride. It rocked!" Daisy declared, pumping her fist in the air.

"Nice. Hey, why's Peach standing behind that pole over there?" Luigi asked, pointing to Peach, who indeed had been standing behind a pole.

"Oh, she's afraid of bungee-jumping," Daisy replied.

"I don't think I can blame her. It is a little scary to do that sort of stuff."

"No, no, no, I mean she's afraid of the _phrase _bungee-jumping. But I think she is also afraid of the sport too."

"...Oooooh, right."

"Anyway, where's Mario? I'd think you two would be here together."

"He's standing in line for the Merry-Go-Round. In fact, I oughtta go find him. Grambi knows what he's gotten into..."

"We'll come with you! Come on Peach, lets go ride some robotic horses."

Daisy the grabbed Peach's hand and walked with Luigi to the Merry-Go-Round, with Peach screaming about her fear of robotic horses the whole time.

When the three got there, they saw that Mario, holding Mr. Pie, was just about to get on the ride.

"Hey Mario!" Luigi called.

"LUIIIIIIIIIGIIIIIII!" Mario called back, waving with his free hand. "COME ON AND RIIIIIIIIDE! LUUIIIIIGIIII! COME ON AND RIIIIIIDE!

"Uh, what are you doing?" Luigi asked, confused.

"I think he's making a reference to that movie _The Warriors,_" Daisy answered. "You know, that part where that dude has those bottles on his fingers and is screaming 'Warrioooors, come out and plaaaaay-aay! WARRIOOOOOORS! COME OUT AND PLAAAAY-AAAAY!'"

"...Ooookay then..." Luigi remarked, still confused

"Let's just ride." Daisy said causally. And with that, Luigi, Daisy, and Peach (who, of course, was being dragged by Daisy) stepped onto the ride.

Now, before I go on about what happened, I feel a description of this Merry-Go-Round is needed. If you're thinking that this was your average Merry-Go-Round, complete with horses, a fancy top, and fairground music, well I think you should _seriously _stop assuming things and go consult your local barber/hairdresser (I don't know why, just DO IT!).

Anyway, this Merry-Go-Round's seats were NOT horses. In fact, each seat was a different, uh, "thing". For example, while Mario (and Mr. Pie) sat on a kiwi seat, Peach sat on a very distinctly detailed face of Paul McCartney (which made her scream about her fear of extremely talented British singers...). While Daisy sat on, or rather inside, a cooking pot, Luigi sat on a goose feather with a Hello Kitty sticker on it.

"Anybody find this ironic?" said Toad, who'd been sitting behind the gang. He was seated on an exact replica of himself from _Super Mario 64_.

"IT'S NOT IRONIC! IT'S JUST WEIRD!" Mario yelled irkedly.

Suddenly, a sound clip of Cher singing was heard (OH GOD, KILL ME NOW! PLEASE! KILL ME _**NOW!**_), which signaled the ride's commencement. Seat belts came out of the seats and strapped the riders up. Instantly, a really, really, REALLY fast J-pop song began to play, and the Merry-Go-Round began to spin around and around at the speed of .00000000000000000000004 km/h. Yeah, it was pretty fast. O_o

"WHEEE!" Mario screamed, flinging his arms in the air, then quickly holding Mr. Pie again.

"I-I'm feeling sick," Luigi began, clutching his stomach.

"Woah, this is cooler than I imangined," Daisy commented excitedly.

"I'M AFEARED OF EVERYTHING GOING ON RIGHT NOW, INCLUDING THIS WONDERFULLY ORGANIZED DIALOGUE!" Peach shrieked, beginning to cry.

"Oh yeah! I was thinking of oddity, not irony. Thanks Mario!" Toad said casually.

The spinning went on for about 3 more minutes, causing mirages, illusions, and/or nausea to occur in the riders. Then, the sound clip of Cher's singing played again (PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU ALL, _**PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY! **_**DX Q_Q**), and the ride stopped.

"Urghh...why do I suddenly crave watercress?" Luigi asked before collapsing onto the base of the Merry-Go-Round.

"That was AWESOME! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!" Daisy cheered, jumping up and down happily.

"YEAH! AGAIN AGAIN!" Mario agreed.

"NOOOOOO! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE! I FEAR DOING THINGS AGAIN! NOOOOOOO!" Peach bawled, randomly running around and crying like a baby.

"Okay, this story's getting a bit too random for me. I'm outta here. Later!" Toad said before instantly vanishing from sight. No, I do not mean the type of instant vanishing that occurs when you turn around, then turn back to see that some person "magically" disappeared. No, I mean he was there one second, then gone the next. He didn't even budge or anything. Just, BAM! GONE! DO YOU GET ME? I WANT AN "AYE AYE CAPTAIN!"

Alright, back to the story. Anyway, upon hearing Daisy and Mario's "request" to go on again, Luigi cringed, got up, and sighed.

"Can we go on another ride? Please?" He asked desperately.

"Um, sure! Why don't we try the rollercoaster?" Daisy replied.

"Alright. I just hope it's less intense than this was," Luigi sighed, saying the last part to himself.

The gang walked to the line for the rollercoaster, which was surprisingly shorter than one would think. I mean, in most carnival/fair/theme park/? stories, the lines for the rollercoasters are pretty long. They can even be so long, that they become an element of comedy or comic relief in the story. But, this time, the line for the rollercoaster was SHORT! UNIQUENESS RULES!

Anyway, since I'm a nice author, I will once again save you the boredom and grief of having to read about the horrible ordeal of waiting in line, even if it _is _shorter than most waiting lines for rollercoasters.

When the gang finally made it to the front of the line, they looked up at the sign. The name of the ride was quite long: Believably Unbelievably Terrifying Tracks Of Notorious Sanelessness, or BUTTONS for short.

A koopa troopa, wearing an outfit similar to that of a referee, lead them and some other carnival-goers to the station platform of the rollercoaster.

"Alright," he began, "I need you to sign this waiver that says you will NOT SUE US for any injuries or unpleasantness caused by Believably Unbelievably Terrifying Tracks Of Notorious Sanelessness, or BUTTONS, and that you will SHOW US THE MONEY," the koopa began in monotone.

"THAT'S AN OVERUSED, CLICHE LINE YOU DOLT!" Mario ranted, glaring at the koopa and receiving stares from the other carnival-goers.

"Dude, just sign the freaggin waiver," the koopa groaned irkedly, handing Mario the waiver. Mario signed the waiver (grumbling to himself about how much people abused good, wholesome sayings instead of letting them last for a LONG time.), then handed it to the others, who also signed it.

"Okay, now I'm obliged to ask if any of you are in need of a diaper while on this rollercoaster," the koopa said quite monotonously.

Almost instantly, everyone (and yes, I mean EVERYONE!) turned to Peach, who'd been sitting away from the group, crying over the fact that she had to face her fear of signing waivers...which she _still _feared.

"Um, yeah, she might need one," Daisy replied, pointing to Peach. "What's the largest size you've got?"

"The Mammoth-giganto-ultra-jumbo-party pack, adult sized," the koopa explained, using his boring voice. He then threw Daisy a pack of diapers (labeled with the aforementioned title) and pointed to a conveniently-located changing room.

"Peach, why don't you go put one of these on. I'll wait outside for you," Daisy said, throwing the pack to Peach.

"BUT I'M AFRAID OF PUTTING ON DIAPERS!" Peach shrieked in horror. She was pushed into the changing room by Daisy, who, after a few seconds, came out. After about five minutes, Peach came out of the changing room, looking ready to cry.

"Alright, screw everything I'm supposed to do, just GET ON THIS FREAGGIN THING AND RIDE IT!" the koopa demanded with extreme irkment (another word that WILL appear in the dictionary one day. ONE DAY SOON I SAYZ!).

A few seconds after the koopa said that, a train of rollercoaster cars, holding some people, came into the station platform. Each car could hold 4 people, and there were 4 cars per train. So, the question is, HOW MANY PEOPLE TOTAL COULD BE SEATED? NO BILLY, NOT 34! STOP ACTING LIKE A DOLT AND GIVE ME THE CORRECT ANSWER! THANK YOU JANNET! 16! 16 PEOPLE COULD BE SEATED! CLASS DISMISSED!

Anyway, when the train of cars stopped, the people left. Daisy led Peach to the first car in the train and sat down in the front row. Mario and Luigi sat behind them. Birdo sat alone in the car behind the gang (probably contributing to the plot...), and the other, unimportant carnival-goers sat in the other, unimportant rollercoaster cars.

"ALRIGHT! GET OUTTA MY SIGHT YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF GARBAGE!" the koopa screamed with much irkedness (yet another word that is apart of the irk-clan and that WILL become part of the dictionary...). He then hit a button, which made some catchy elevator music/muzak play, signaling the start of the coaster. The restraints on the cars came down, and the train of cars began to move.

"WHOOOHOO! WOOOOO! OH YEAH BABY! WHOOOOP!" Birdo screamed, flailing his/her/its arms in the air as the train-o-cars began to climb up a hill.

"Is he okay?" Luigi whispered to Daisy.

"I HEARD THAT YOU JERK!" Birdo screamed. "I'M OBVIOUSLY A SHE! SEE THE BOW HOME SLICE!"

"THEN WHY IS YOUR VOICE SO MANISH? Mario asked rather loudly. This made Birdo cry annoyingly. And I mean _annoyingly_.

"WAAAAAH! WAAAHWAAAH! WAAAAAAH!" Birdo bawled.

At about this time, the incline of the rollercoaster's hill increased.

"Will you SHADDAP?" Mario screamed, sticking his tongue out at Birdo.

Once again, the incline increased.

"**WAAAAAAH! WAAAAHWAAAAHWAAAH! WAAAAAAH!" **

The cars were now perfectly vertical.

** "**MR. PIE CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON PROPER ROLLERCOASTER RIDER ETIQUETTE BECAUSE OF YOUR ANNOYING, MANISH CRYING YOU CRAPPY, MANISHLY GIRLY VERSION OF GODZILLA!"

The hill _still _went on, without any sign of ending.

"**WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAH! WAAAHWAAAHWAHH! WAAAAAH!**"

PRAISE GRAMBI! THE CARS ACTUALLY REACHED THE PEAK OF THE HILL!

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU-"

The words that followed might never be known, because at that precisely precise moment, the train-o-cars began to race down the declination of the rollercoaster track, causing many shrieks and screams of excitement and fear.

"I'M SORRY FOR BEING INSENSITIVE TO YOUR FEELINGS BIRDO!" Mario screamed, crying.

"I'M SORRY FOR NOT LETTING MR. PIE AND YOU HAVE PEACE AND QUIET BEFORE THE RIDE!" Birdo replied, hugging the crying Mario.

"I'M AFRAID OF APOLOGIES!" Peach screamed, flailing her arms in the air.

"AM I THE ONLY SANE PERSON ON THIS RIDE?" Luigi asked no one in particular (which was good, because it seemed no one really payed any attention to that question...)

Down, down, down it sped, going underground, below underground, under below underground, beneath under below underground, until finally, the cars had reached the deepest depth imaginable: underneath beneath under below underground.

Since the rollercoaster plunged to such a low depth, you'd probably know that, without speed brakes on the tracks, the cars would move at incredible speed. Well, since there _weren't _any speed brakes at all on the ride, the rollercoaster indeed moved at an alarming rate. Soon, the track began to jerk the cars back and forth mercilessly.

After 2 whole nonstop minutes of being jerked back and forth, there was yet another hill that the train-o-cars began to ascend. This time, though, it ascended even quicker than before, due to the added velocity from the previous plummet.

Once the cars were higher than above underground (aka the level at which the rollercoaster started...), the track ended, causing the cars to fly straight, curve at a peak, then fall. As the train fell, it landed on another set of tracks, obviously meant to add to the insanity and thrill of BUTTONS. The set of tracks began with an appropriate declination/drop, which ended after a few seconds.

The cars and riders inside then suffered through 5 respective loop-de-loops, the last one being gargantuan. Then, a set of corkscrews and twists were established, each one getting crazier and longer than the last. The rollercoaster then had another hill, which was probably not only the highest hill on the rollercoaster, but the highest hill in the history and study of rollercoasters.

Once the train-o-cars reached the hill's peak, it did not instantly fall _straight _down like the first two; it moved in a straight line for a few nanoseconds before encountering a HUGE set of spiral tracks that led to only one place: down.

Around, and around, and around they went, causing extreme dizziness, nausea, headaches, psychological pain/torture, nosebleeds, paleness, and/or wetting of one's self.

After a LONG LONG _**LONG **_period of spiral-ing, the cars stopped and sped towards a troll's head. With its mouth open, the head ate/took in the cars, shook them up a bit, and spit them out from the back of its head (which, apparently, had a mouth as well...). The cars moved forward, soon returning to the station platform.

The sound of elevator music/muzak was heard when the train-o-cars stopped. The unimportant carnival-goers left, while Birdo and the gang were completely still. Well, I should be a bit more truthful. Daisy and Luigi were completely still, while Mario and Birdo were hugging and crying, and Peach was screaming about her fear of being eaten by a disembodied troll's head.

"I'M SORRY FOR-hey wait, the ride stopped. OH MY GRAMBI, WE SURVIVED BUTTONS!" Birdo screamed in amazement.

"WE DID! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! WE SURVIVED BUTTONS!" Mario cheered in agreement.

"THIS CALLS FOR SOME DANCING AND KENNY LOGGINS!" Birdo announced, getting out of his/her/its car. He/She/It randomly took out a boom box and turned it on. The theme for the movie _Caddyshack _(also called _I'm Alright, _by Kenny Loggins) began to play, and Birdo began to do a horrible tribal dance that would kill anyone who was watching-erm I mean a victory dance that looked like a mixture of disco, break dancing, krumping, ballet, gypsy dancing, and salsa. So yeah, it was pretty scary.

"Oooooh! That looks like FUN!" Mario said, running over and joining Birdo.

"AAAAH! I'M AFRAID OF VICTORY DANCES!" Peach shrieked, cowering in fear.

Luigi and Daisy just stared at Mario and Birdo.

"I think I might need to wash my eyes out..." Luigi said finally

"Why don't we go play one of the carnival games, then go out to eat?" Daisy said, trying to change the subject.

"Alright then," Luigi sighed, getting up, then helping Daisy up, who then struggled to help a wailing Peach up.

After Peach was forced to face her fear of changing a diaper (her own diaper, to be specific), Luigi, Daisy, and she (who was being dragged by Daisy, of course) headed for the carnival games.

"WAIT UP!" Mario screeched, joining the trio.

When the gang made it to the carnival games they (meaning Daisy and Luigi) then realized that they would have to CHOOSE among a bunch of games. Crap. Choosing SUCKS! JUST GO WITH THE DUCK-FISHING GAME, YOU ALMOST _ALWAYS _WIN SOMETHING WITH THAT!

Anyway, enough of my attempts to tell the characters what to do. As the two level-headed people tried to figure out which game to play, Mario was staring at a specific game. Well, he was actually looking at one of the prizes from the game, but you know what I mean...

He was staring at a small, navy blue fedora. It was sitting on the top rack of the game's prize shelf, indicating that it was one of the top prizes.

"LET'S PLAY _THAT _GAME!" Mario exclaimed, pointing to the game with the fedora prize. "I WANNA WIN THAT BLUE FEDORA FOR MR. PIE!"

"Um, okay," Luigi shrugged. He led Daisy (who led Peach) to the game.

"STEP RIGHT UP! WIN SOMETHING FROM THIS ODD ASSORTMENT OF PRIZES! WIN A CHRISTMAS TREE EGG! WIN A BURRITO SUPREMO! WIN AN AWESOME NAVY BLUE FEDORA! WIN OTHER PRIZES THAT ARE UNIMPORTANT TO THIS STORY!" screamed a toad game master (hey, that's what he's gonna be called in this story. DEAL WITH IT!)

"We'll play!" Daisy exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air.

"ALRIGHT! THIS IS HOW YOU PLAY! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CATCH THIS BUMPPER!" the toad game master said, bringing out a bumper that you would normally find in a brawl of some sort.

"Um, isn't that impossible?" Luigi asked

"I DUNNO! JUST PAY ME SO YOU CAN PLAY!" the toad game master demanded loudly.

"Alright then!" Daisy said, putting down four coins each.

"WAIT!" cried Mario. "WHAT ABOUT MR. PIE? HE WANTS TO PLAY!"

"Okay," Daisy said casually, putting down a fifth coin for Mr. Pie.

"ALRIGHT! WHO'S GOING FIRST?" the game master asked.

"I will! Bring it!" Daisy declared, smirking.

The game master stood still for a few moments, saying and doing absolutely nothing. His left eye then twitched.

"RANCID TOMATO JUICE!" the game master screamed, immediately throwing a bumper at Daisy.

She tried to catch it, but she was no match for its powerful, uh...bumperiness.

"AAAAH!" Daisy screamed, being thrown back.

"OH MY BADLY ANIMATED SPRITES FROM THE 8O's AND 9O's! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Luigi asked, very concerned.

"Yeah, I'm alright; bummed that I didn't catch the bumper; but alright," Daisy assured the concerned plumber.

"Alright, let me try that thing," Luigi ordered bravely.

The game master once again stood still and quiet. This time, his left arm twitched.

"PAPERBACK COPIES OF _Hatchet_," the game master yelled while throwing a bumper at Luigi.

Luigi jumped and put his arms around the circular obstacle, but it was no use. He too, was flung backwards.

"...Ow..." was all the green plumber said.

"I WANNA GO! I WANNA GO!" Mario demanded, jumping up and down in a bratty fashion.

The game master did the same thing he did last time, except his left cheek twitched.

"UNDERCOOKED CHICKEN FRIED STEAK!" he yelped, lugging a bumper at Mario.

Mario ran towards the bumper, laughing like a maniac. When he reached out to grab it, he was met with the same fate as the other two; being sent backwards by the bumper.

"AGH! NOOOOOO!" Mario cried. "I FAILED YOU, MR. PIE! I'M SO SORRY!"

"NO NO NO NO NOOOOO! I'M AFRAID OF BUMPERS! I'M AFRAID OF CHRISTMAS TREE EGGS! I'M AFRAID OF BLUE FEDORAS!" Peach blubbered, rolling around on the ground.

The toad, once again, did the same thing, except his left ear twitched.

"SAVORY PANCAKES OF UTTER DESTRUCTION!" And, with that being said, he chucked another bumper, this time sending it towards Peach.

Peach, who didn't even attempt to grab the bumper, was sent flying backwards.

"I'M AFRAID OF BEING SENT BACKWARDS!" she wailed, beginning to cry.

"Well Mario, I guess none of us could win the blue fedora," Luigi sighed. "Let's just go home."

"NO!" Mario shrieked. "NOT UNTIL MR. PIE GETS HIS TURN!"

"Oh fine," Luigi sighed, almost certain the same thing would happen to Mr. Pie.

Mario got up and placed Mr. Pie down.

"Alright Mr. Pie, you can DO IT! I KNOW YOU CAN! I LOVE YOU!" Mario prepped, smiling encouragingly to his pie friend.

The game master went through the same ritual, except _THIS _time, he twitched his _**RIGHT **_nose (oh yeah, did I mention he had two noses? Oh, right, I didn't...O_O Ooops...).

"SPLENDIDLY COLORED VCR TAPES!" the game master yelled, throwing his last bumper.

LET'S WATCH THIS IN SLOW MOTION (Just like my POTO story! ^_^)! Alright, the bumper was flying through the air (neeaaaaughhhhrrr), right in Mr. Pie's direction. Mario was biting his nails anxiously (bite...bite...bite...bite...), Luigi and Daisy were blinking hopefully (blink...blink...blink...), Peach was crying over her fear of pie (*in deep voice* WAAAAAHAHA! IIII NOOO LIIIIKE PIIIIIEEE!), and Mr. Pie sat there, doing nothing (…...).

Alright, no more Slo-mo, I'm getting sick of it. Anyway, right when the bumper was just about to mark its victim, Mr. Pie suddenly grew giant, hairy, muscular arms, and used them to catch the bumper. (Everyone, even the readers (especially those who play Super Smash Bros. Brawl) gasped...) Mr. Pie then chucked it right back at the game master toad, and sent him flying (most likely to his horrible demise...).

Mario grinned in astonishment.

"YOU DID IT MR. PIE!" he shouted with glee (no, not the TV show, the emotion...). Mario then ran to Mr. Pie and hugged him (and Mr. Pie hugged him back with his new muscly arms.).

Daisy smiled at the two, walked over to the prize shelf, took the blue fedora, and placed it neatly on Mr. Pie.

"Here you go! You earned it!" she told him.

Suddenly, Mr. Pie's new hat sprouted wings (HOLY CRAP! I WANT THAT HAT! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!), and he flew off into the clouds, making that crying noise a sweet potato or hot dog makes when you nuke it in the microwave.

"GOODBYE FRIEND!" Mario yelled, tears beginning to form in his eyes (Aw crap, not sappy-ness! DX)

"Don't worry buddy," Luigi said, patting his back. "He was a good pie."

Suddenly, a small piece of paper that looked very similar to a collector's card flew down onto the ground in front of Mario. He picked it up, looked at it for a few seconds, then grinned happily.

"OH MY GRAMBI!" he cried. "MR. PIE GAVE ME A GENGHIS KHAN COLLECTOR CARD! THE ONLY ONE I _DON'T _HAVE: KHAN RIDING A BEEF TACO WITH TRIMMINGS AND HOT SAUCE! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!"

Luigi, for once, took this random event as a nice way to end the carnival day, and began to walk home with Daisy, Peach (being dragged by Daisy, of course), and Mario, who was running around screaming about his now complete collection of Genghis Khan Collector Cards. Yay! NOW GO HOME, GET SOME REST, AND BE BACK HERE THE NEXT TIME I UPDATE! AND THAT'S AN ORDER!

**Alright. Well, that was...eventful.**

** *looking at reviews.* Ahh, the nice reviews I received. I apparently killed someone (Boss-defeater451, to be exact...) and their soul, but not to fret, for I'm giving EVERYONE A 10-UP FOR REVIEWING! *throws reviewers 10-Up mushrooms... which DO exist.* Oh, and don't worry. I'm not dead. ;D  
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**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my REALLY long story. REVIEW (if you want...)!**


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